ok so i had another dream about my first boyfriend, Rob, last night. it really disturbs me that i keep dreaming of him. there's got to be a reason.
that got me thinking of the dream that really haunts my life. i had it about 8 or 9 years ago and it still sticks to me as if i dreamed it last night. i truly believe that it was a dream telling me someone was in danger. so enjoy.
Matt and i are on our honeymoon and we're coming back to our new home (at this point in life, we weren't even engaged). Our home is in a new town, a Transylvanian town. When we get to the gates, we see a riot. The townspeople are in a rage with pitchforks and torches. then they all collectively turn to face us and start chasing us. we're the people they're raging against.
cut to the front of our new house. it's a castle. we run in and bar the doors shut with the big wooden bar like in the movies. we hear them all. "WHERE'S TIMMY!?" over and over. "WE KNOW YOU KILLED HIM!" they're banging on the door. they're banging on the windows. "HE DISAPPEARED AS SOON AS YOU LEFT FOR YOUR TRIP! WHERE IS HE!?!?"
Matt turns to me and says "do you know a Timmy? i can't think of one i know." i start thinking really hard and suddenly a kid i knew that lived down the street from me, Tim Yeagley, popped in my head. "i knew a Timmy when i was growing up" i said.
"Think of him and search for him quickly", Matt says.
We run through the castle looking in each room. We finally come to our new bedroom. it's all laid out for our welcome. roses everywhere. candles. petals on the bed. then i suddenly know where Timmy is. i look under the bed and there he is, covered in clothes. He's dead.
i make myself wakeup, but i am sweating. I sit up and yell his name "TIMMY". it wakes matt up and he literally has to calm me down.
about a week later i'm working at Bombay when a childhood friend walks in, Chris. We're talking and catching up when i realize, this is Timmy's brother. i ask him how Tim is, in a slow quiet manner. Chris asks me what's wrong and i tell him i had a dream about his brother. he says "Was it a death dream"? i froze and nodded. He told me that Tim was overseas with the millitary and had an accident and had been seriously hurt the past week and they weren't sure if he'd make it. i seriously felt my stomach fall out of my body. i had the creeps for weeks.
i have no doubt that i dreamed about Tim the day he got hurt overseas.
I just friended Timmy on Facebook today. I'm so happy he made it!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Unhealthy subliminal obsession
i think my dreams have an unhealthy obsession with my first boyfriend, Robert Hutton. i've written about him before.
the other night i dreamed i ran into his sister, April. we were fast friends again and i told her something i never thought about... that i still had a thing for her brother. She said he was at her house. When we arrived, i was nervous. i opened the door and there he was. he was still so good looking. he hugged me and i could feel fire between us. then of course it turned into a naughty dream and we did it. my dreams have a one track... mind.
*Matt's gotta pee so i wake up!* **i'm a really light sleeper**
when i fall back asleep i have the same dream. April. Fast friends. Rob at her house. except this time, he sees me and is repulsed. he tells me i'm ugly, just like i was when we were little and he was right to break up with me. he cusses me. degrades me. makes me cry.
This time i made myself wake up.
i don't understand my brain. why do i have this compulsion to dream of Rob when i haven't seen him in so long? we were kids when we "dated". we didn't even go to school together. after i dream of him, i almost always go into a frenzy of looking for him online. today i found his sister. i wanted to email her but i haven't yet. i can't find a trace of him online. i wonder if... he's dead.
the other night i dreamed i ran into his sister, April. we were fast friends again and i told her something i never thought about... that i still had a thing for her brother. She said he was at her house. When we arrived, i was nervous. i opened the door and there he was. he was still so good looking. he hugged me and i could feel fire between us. then of course it turned into a naughty dream and we did it. my dreams have a one track... mind.
*Matt's gotta pee so i wake up!* **i'm a really light sleeper**
when i fall back asleep i have the same dream. April. Fast friends. Rob at her house. except this time, he sees me and is repulsed. he tells me i'm ugly, just like i was when we were little and he was right to break up with me. he cusses me. degrades me. makes me cry.
This time i made myself wake up.
i don't understand my brain. why do i have this compulsion to dream of Rob when i haven't seen him in so long? we were kids when we "dated". we didn't even go to school together. after i dream of him, i almost always go into a frenzy of looking for him online. today i found his sister. i wanted to email her but i haven't yet. i can't find a trace of him online. i wonder if... he's dead.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Bad Momma Jamma.
If anyone knows me, they know my mother is extremely religious and aims to be virtuous in all she does.
last night i had a dream that she was "bad" and it tore our family apart.
i dreamed i was spending the day with my momma. she seemed to have something on her mind but i couldn't coax it out of her. we walked on the streets i lived among as a kid. the roads i drove on when i was a teenager. we looked at the leaves and talked about life. suddenly she looked at me and said "i'm leaving your father". i was shocked, but there was more to come.... "i've been having an affair for 2 years and i need to be with the man i love". i felt the real heartache as i slept and dreamed my momma was telling me the sordid details and how giddy she was to finally get it out in the open. it was sickening.
cut to me and my brother walking and talking. we're at a spot we used to hang out at when we were young, near the old Yeagley place. i have the task of telling him about mom cheating and leaving. it's hard for me to tell him. i finally do, and he's so angry. he runs from me and i can't catch him. i have no idea what he's going to do to our momma, but i feel it's not good.
**ALARM**
i'm so glad my alarm went off when it did. i had a feeling my adulterous dream was turning into a murderous dream.
i can't wait to analyze this one! stay tuned, if you want. :)
last night i had a dream that she was "bad" and it tore our family apart.
i dreamed i was spending the day with my momma. she seemed to have something on her mind but i couldn't coax it out of her. we walked on the streets i lived among as a kid. the roads i drove on when i was a teenager. we looked at the leaves and talked about life. suddenly she looked at me and said "i'm leaving your father". i was shocked, but there was more to come.... "i've been having an affair for 2 years and i need to be with the man i love". i felt the real heartache as i slept and dreamed my momma was telling me the sordid details and how giddy she was to finally get it out in the open. it was sickening.
cut to me and my brother walking and talking. we're at a spot we used to hang out at when we were young, near the old Yeagley place. i have the task of telling him about mom cheating and leaving. it's hard for me to tell him. i finally do, and he's so angry. he runs from me and i can't catch him. i have no idea what he's going to do to our momma, but i feel it's not good.
**ALARM**
i'm so glad my alarm went off when it did. i had a feeling my adulterous dream was turning into a murderous dream.
i can't wait to analyze this one! stay tuned, if you want. :)
Monday, June 30, 2008
Insecurity Dream #458
So when i'm really stressed i seem to dream terrible dreams. Right now i'm stage managing the summer show at Showtimers and it's beyond stressful. so bring on the dreams!
Saturday night i had a reoccurring "theme" pop up. I dream that i'm sitting in Jeanie's chair getting my hair cut. i'm crying. i tell her i'm not sure where matt is. he left me. He won't return my calls and he's no where to be found. He hasn't told me why he's left but for some reason i know it's something i've done, i just can't figure out what.
*** now when i have a heartache dream like this, i have physical symptoms. i can feel the heartache. i can feel the pain in my heart. i can feel the tears rolling down my face, even thought they're not really there. it's a multi- sensual experience that i'd just rather not have.***
Cut to the next scene i can remember. i'm with my friend Brooks. He's always in these heartbreak dreams as the one who has some sort of news for me. we're at CI and i'm crying. i don't know what to do and all i want is to be with matt and for him to tell me it's all ok, but i haven't seen nor heard of him in weeks. Brooks tells me he's moving on without me. He's gotten himself an apartment. B writes down the address for me in hopes that i can see him and alleviate my heartache.
i spend a lengthy amount of time looking for him (which usually happens in these dreams). i'm searching for him. walking over the whole city with this pain in my heart. i can't find him. he's completely shoved me out without so much as a word and i still can't figure out what i've done. i'm searching my brain... what have i done? i finally see him in the distance with another girl. i physically feel like my heart is going to burst. i can feel the hot tears on my cheeks. i call out to him and he runs from me.
it's at about this time i make myself wake up because the pain is too much. i wish i could realize i'm in a dream earlier so i can just wake up and try to forget it, but this is usually when i stop and wake up.
i have a dream similar to this in my old dream book. i need to type that out and compare it.
usually when i have a dream like this, matt can tell right away. i seem upset when i wake up, i want lots of hugs and attention and i might even cry a little. he gets really angry. he'll make comments about me being crazy and insecure. most of the time he makes it worse. it took me about 5 hours Sunday morning to kick the rejected feeling from the dream and the attitude from real life matt. i hate when dreams rock my whole day.
i'm getting a lump in my throat just thinking about it now.
Saturday night i had a reoccurring "theme" pop up. I dream that i'm sitting in Jeanie's chair getting my hair cut. i'm crying. i tell her i'm not sure where matt is. he left me. He won't return my calls and he's no where to be found. He hasn't told me why he's left but for some reason i know it's something i've done, i just can't figure out what.
*** now when i have a heartache dream like this, i have physical symptoms. i can feel the heartache. i can feel the pain in my heart. i can feel the tears rolling down my face, even thought they're not really there. it's a multi- sensual experience that i'd just rather not have.***
Cut to the next scene i can remember. i'm with my friend Brooks. He's always in these heartbreak dreams as the one who has some sort of news for me. we're at CI and i'm crying. i don't know what to do and all i want is to be with matt and for him to tell me it's all ok, but i haven't seen nor heard of him in weeks. Brooks tells me he's moving on without me. He's gotten himself an apartment. B writes down the address for me in hopes that i can see him and alleviate my heartache.
i spend a lengthy amount of time looking for him (which usually happens in these dreams). i'm searching for him. walking over the whole city with this pain in my heart. i can't find him. he's completely shoved me out without so much as a word and i still can't figure out what i've done. i'm searching my brain... what have i done? i finally see him in the distance with another girl. i physically feel like my heart is going to burst. i can feel the hot tears on my cheeks. i call out to him and he runs from me.
it's at about this time i make myself wake up because the pain is too much. i wish i could realize i'm in a dream earlier so i can just wake up and try to forget it, but this is usually when i stop and wake up.
i have a dream similar to this in my old dream book. i need to type that out and compare it.
usually when i have a dream like this, matt can tell right away. i seem upset when i wake up, i want lots of hugs and attention and i might even cry a little. he gets really angry. he'll make comments about me being crazy and insecure. most of the time he makes it worse. it took me about 5 hours Sunday morning to kick the rejected feeling from the dream and the attitude from real life matt. i hate when dreams rock my whole day.
i'm getting a lump in my throat just thinking about it now.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Sex Dreams A Plenty
last night i dreamed those kinds of sex dreams that are bothersome. not the kind that you wake up and feel like you totally just did Christian Bale and are in a dream induced orgasmic state. no these dreams are too difficult to explain.
so naturally i'll attempt to explain:
usually they involve someone i know personally. maybe i think they're cute. maybe i've spent too much time with them. maybe i don't even know that i think they're cute until i dream that we're flirting and taking it to the next level. and that's where it starts bothering my subconscious. maybe because my conscious mind knows that my husband matt is laying right there beside me sleeping soundly while i'm doing someone i know and will see day after day. i don't want to dream those dreams... so i wake myself up. then drift right back into the intercourse and make myself wake up again. over and over until my sleep is seriously destroyed for the evening. so yeah... i'm extremely sleepy today and i have to see the guy i dreamed about this evening and feel completely uncomfortable without him even knowing.
Sex dreams dominate my sleep life. that's why i don't post a lot b/c i really don't want to blog about those all that much. maybe if i start blogging about it, they'll stop.
I get them bad in the summer. when i take naps in the afternoon without the AC on. i get hot under the covers and that puts me in the deepest sleep i know. that's when the sex dreams happen... but it's not with people. i almost always dream of sex toys. buying them, using them, different kinds i've never used before. it's so strange. this kind of deep sleep is hard to wake up for me. when i do wake up it's difficult to break out of the dream state and i have to force myself to snap out of it. i remember the first time i actually went to buy a sex toy. it was totally brought on by one of my nap time sex dreams. i had never even used one but kept dreaming about it over and over. i woke up in that half sleep state, got in my car and bye the time i was there, i was finally completely awake and realized what i was doing. it's strange how my dream drove me to do something in my waking life.
a few weeks ago i had a sex dream about one of my bosses. it seriously disturbed me b/c a). i work for a religious organization and the boss i dreamed about is a pastor b). i see him daily and he's so incredibly nice. i am still not over that dream. every time i see him i get flashes of it and how much i enjoyed it in the dream. it's awful. i didn't want to dream it and i woke myself up time and time again but the dream finished it's full course whether i wanted it to or not.
i wish i could dream about doing Ewan McGregor more. those are the ones i'll sleep the complete night through and enjoy the whole time!
so naturally i'll attempt to explain:
usually they involve someone i know personally. maybe i think they're cute. maybe i've spent too much time with them. maybe i don't even know that i think they're cute until i dream that we're flirting and taking it to the next level. and that's where it starts bothering my subconscious. maybe because my conscious mind knows that my husband matt is laying right there beside me sleeping soundly while i'm doing someone i know and will see day after day. i don't want to dream those dreams... so i wake myself up. then drift right back into the intercourse and make myself wake up again. over and over until my sleep is seriously destroyed for the evening. so yeah... i'm extremely sleepy today and i have to see the guy i dreamed about this evening and feel completely uncomfortable without him even knowing.
Sex dreams dominate my sleep life. that's why i don't post a lot b/c i really don't want to blog about those all that much. maybe if i start blogging about it, they'll stop.
I get them bad in the summer. when i take naps in the afternoon without the AC on. i get hot under the covers and that puts me in the deepest sleep i know. that's when the sex dreams happen... but it's not with people. i almost always dream of sex toys. buying them, using them, different kinds i've never used before. it's so strange. this kind of deep sleep is hard to wake up for me. when i do wake up it's difficult to break out of the dream state and i have to force myself to snap out of it. i remember the first time i actually went to buy a sex toy. it was totally brought on by one of my nap time sex dreams. i had never even used one but kept dreaming about it over and over. i woke up in that half sleep state, got in my car and bye the time i was there, i was finally completely awake and realized what i was doing. it's strange how my dream drove me to do something in my waking life.
a few weeks ago i had a sex dream about one of my bosses. it seriously disturbed me b/c a). i work for a religious organization and the boss i dreamed about is a pastor b). i see him daily and he's so incredibly nice. i am still not over that dream. every time i see him i get flashes of it and how much i enjoyed it in the dream. it's awful. i didn't want to dream it and i woke myself up time and time again but the dream finished it's full course whether i wanted it to or not.
i wish i could dream about doing Ewan McGregor more. those are the ones i'll sleep the complete night through and enjoy the whole time!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
YAY! A penis dream!
I haven't told many people about this reoccurring dream. i dream i have a penis. now, usually i dream this when i'm too warm under the covers, or maybe i'm especially horny or something.
my dream was that i had to perform all of these tasks and try to win the competition. there was a race down a slide similar to maybe "jewel of the nile", all grassy and muddy and ends in a puddle of muddy water. another task was to clean a very messy room before everyone else did. strange shit.
i had no idea of what the prize was but when i won... WOOO HOOO! i got to have a penis! usually when i have a penis dream, i just all of a sudden have one and it's a field day. i'll try... handling it. or... going and picking up a hot chick or dude. but just as it was in this one, i never get to finish. i can feel what it's like touching it and ... eeek... stroking it. but i can never, well... finish.
i can't wait until the next penis dream.
my dream was that i had to perform all of these tasks and try to win the competition. there was a race down a slide similar to maybe "jewel of the nile", all grassy and muddy and ends in a puddle of muddy water. another task was to clean a very messy room before everyone else did. strange shit.
i had no idea of what the prize was but when i won... WOOO HOOO! i got to have a penis! usually when i have a penis dream, i just all of a sudden have one and it's a field day. i'll try... handling it. or... going and picking up a hot chick or dude. but just as it was in this one, i never get to finish. i can feel what it's like touching it and ... eeek... stroking it. but i can never, well... finish.
i can't wait until the next penis dream.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
new dream, kinda
i'm haunted by a dream i had last night. it's going to be very hard to describe it. yesterday at the gym i saw something that reminded me of that movie "the moth man prophecies". b/c that movie was loosely based on a true story, i can't help but fear he'll come to me! it sounds stupid when i write it out. it was just a paint splotch on the back of a piece of paper, but it instantly brought that movie to my head. i kinda worried about it off and on the rest of the day which totally explains why i had this strange dream that i can't quite explain...
all i remember is that there was this entity. it was in a forbidden room, or space. somewhere i wasn't allowed to go to. of course i eventually got into the "space" and encountered the beast. it was... flaky. like flakes of candle wax infused to make a weird art piece. it was so strange. it also acted as a wax. it would try to engulf you and melt you into it. it moved around and changed shape constantly as it tried to devour your body. it was very strange and thinking about it now is raising my heart rate a little. every time i screamed for help it was like a vacuum. i couldn't even hear myself.
it was one of those dreams i couldn't shake. i can usually make myself wake up when i'm having a bad dream. i made myself wake up 3 times and when i drifted off, i was still wrestling the creature. i finally broke free, i think. i can't seem to remember.
it's still bothering me.
all i remember is that there was this entity. it was in a forbidden room, or space. somewhere i wasn't allowed to go to. of course i eventually got into the "space" and encountered the beast. it was... flaky. like flakes of candle wax infused to make a weird art piece. it was so strange. it also acted as a wax. it would try to engulf you and melt you into it. it moved around and changed shape constantly as it tried to devour your body. it was very strange and thinking about it now is raising my heart rate a little. every time i screamed for help it was like a vacuum. i couldn't even hear myself.
it was one of those dreams i couldn't shake. i can usually make myself wake up when i'm having a bad dream. i made myself wake up 3 times and when i drifted off, i was still wrestling the creature. i finally broke free, i think. i can't seem to remember.
it's still bothering me.
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