So when i'm really stressed i seem to dream terrible dreams. Right now i'm stage managing the summer show at Showtimers and it's beyond stressful. so bring on the dreams!
Saturday night i had a reoccurring "theme" pop up. I dream that i'm sitting in Jeanie's chair getting my hair cut. i'm crying. i tell her i'm not sure where matt is. he left me. He won't return my calls and he's no where to be found. He hasn't told me why he's left but for some reason i know it's something i've done, i just can't figure out what.
*** now when i have a heartache dream like this, i have physical symptoms. i can feel the heartache. i can feel the pain in my heart. i can feel the tears rolling down my face, even thought they're not really there. it's a multi- sensual experience that i'd just rather not have.***
Cut to the next scene i can remember. i'm with my friend Brooks. He's always in these heartbreak dreams as the one who has some sort of news for me. we're at CI and i'm crying. i don't know what to do and all i want is to be with matt and for him to tell me it's all ok, but i haven't seen nor heard of him in weeks. Brooks tells me he's moving on without me. He's gotten himself an apartment. B writes down the address for me in hopes that i can see him and alleviate my heartache.
i spend a lengthy amount of time looking for him (which usually happens in these dreams). i'm searching for him. walking over the whole city with this pain in my heart. i can't find him. he's completely shoved me out without so much as a word and i still can't figure out what i've done. i'm searching my brain... what have i done? i finally see him in the distance with another girl. i physically feel like my heart is going to burst. i can feel the hot tears on my cheeks. i call out to him and he runs from me.
it's at about this time i make myself wake up because the pain is too much. i wish i could realize i'm in a dream earlier so i can just wake up and try to forget it, but this is usually when i stop and wake up.
i have a dream similar to this in my old dream book. i need to type that out and compare it.
usually when i have a dream like this, matt can tell right away. i seem upset when i wake up, i want lots of hugs and attention and i might even cry a little. he gets really angry. he'll make comments about me being crazy and insecure. most of the time he makes it worse. it took me about 5 hours Sunday morning to kick the rejected feeling from the dream and the attitude from real life matt. i hate when dreams rock my whole day.
i'm getting a lump in my throat just thinking about it now.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Sex Dreams A Plenty
last night i dreamed those kinds of sex dreams that are bothersome. not the kind that you wake up and feel like you totally just did Christian Bale and are in a dream induced orgasmic state. no these dreams are too difficult to explain.
so naturally i'll attempt to explain:
usually they involve someone i know personally. maybe i think they're cute. maybe i've spent too much time with them. maybe i don't even know that i think they're cute until i dream that we're flirting and taking it to the next level. and that's where it starts bothering my subconscious. maybe because my conscious mind knows that my husband matt is laying right there beside me sleeping soundly while i'm doing someone i know and will see day after day. i don't want to dream those dreams... so i wake myself up. then drift right back into the intercourse and make myself wake up again. over and over until my sleep is seriously destroyed for the evening. so yeah... i'm extremely sleepy today and i have to see the guy i dreamed about this evening and feel completely uncomfortable without him even knowing.
Sex dreams dominate my sleep life. that's why i don't post a lot b/c i really don't want to blog about those all that much. maybe if i start blogging about it, they'll stop.
I get them bad in the summer. when i take naps in the afternoon without the AC on. i get hot under the covers and that puts me in the deepest sleep i know. that's when the sex dreams happen... but it's not with people. i almost always dream of sex toys. buying them, using them, different kinds i've never used before. it's so strange. this kind of deep sleep is hard to wake up for me. when i do wake up it's difficult to break out of the dream state and i have to force myself to snap out of it. i remember the first time i actually went to buy a sex toy. it was totally brought on by one of my nap time sex dreams. i had never even used one but kept dreaming about it over and over. i woke up in that half sleep state, got in my car and bye the time i was there, i was finally completely awake and realized what i was doing. it's strange how my dream drove me to do something in my waking life.
a few weeks ago i had a sex dream about one of my bosses. it seriously disturbed me b/c a). i work for a religious organization and the boss i dreamed about is a pastor b). i see him daily and he's so incredibly nice. i am still not over that dream. every time i see him i get flashes of it and how much i enjoyed it in the dream. it's awful. i didn't want to dream it and i woke myself up time and time again but the dream finished it's full course whether i wanted it to or not.
i wish i could dream about doing Ewan McGregor more. those are the ones i'll sleep the complete night through and enjoy the whole time!
so naturally i'll attempt to explain:
usually they involve someone i know personally. maybe i think they're cute. maybe i've spent too much time with them. maybe i don't even know that i think they're cute until i dream that we're flirting and taking it to the next level. and that's where it starts bothering my subconscious. maybe because my conscious mind knows that my husband matt is laying right there beside me sleeping soundly while i'm doing someone i know and will see day after day. i don't want to dream those dreams... so i wake myself up. then drift right back into the intercourse and make myself wake up again. over and over until my sleep is seriously destroyed for the evening. so yeah... i'm extremely sleepy today and i have to see the guy i dreamed about this evening and feel completely uncomfortable without him even knowing.
Sex dreams dominate my sleep life. that's why i don't post a lot b/c i really don't want to blog about those all that much. maybe if i start blogging about it, they'll stop.
I get them bad in the summer. when i take naps in the afternoon without the AC on. i get hot under the covers and that puts me in the deepest sleep i know. that's when the sex dreams happen... but it's not with people. i almost always dream of sex toys. buying them, using them, different kinds i've never used before. it's so strange. this kind of deep sleep is hard to wake up for me. when i do wake up it's difficult to break out of the dream state and i have to force myself to snap out of it. i remember the first time i actually went to buy a sex toy. it was totally brought on by one of my nap time sex dreams. i had never even used one but kept dreaming about it over and over. i woke up in that half sleep state, got in my car and bye the time i was there, i was finally completely awake and realized what i was doing. it's strange how my dream drove me to do something in my waking life.
a few weeks ago i had a sex dream about one of my bosses. it seriously disturbed me b/c a). i work for a religious organization and the boss i dreamed about is a pastor b). i see him daily and he's so incredibly nice. i am still not over that dream. every time i see him i get flashes of it and how much i enjoyed it in the dream. it's awful. i didn't want to dream it and i woke myself up time and time again but the dream finished it's full course whether i wanted it to or not.
i wish i could dream about doing Ewan McGregor more. those are the ones i'll sleep the complete night through and enjoy the whole time!
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