My Sweet Dreams are Made of This

Retro Dream :Tim is Dead

2008-12-02T11:10:00.005-05:00

ok so i had another dream about my first boyfriend, Rob, last night. it really disturbs me that i keep dreaming of him. there's got to be a reason.

that got me thinking of the dream that really haunts my life. i had it about 8 or 9 years ago and it still sticks to me as if i dreamed it last night. i truly believe that it was a dream telling me someone was in danger. so enjoy.

Matt and i are on our honeymoon and we're coming back to our new home (at this point in life, we weren't even engaged). Our home is in a new town, a Transylvanian town. When we get to the gates, we see a riot. The townspeople are in a rage with pitchforks and torches. then they all collectively turn to face us and start chasing us. we're the people they're raging against.

cut to the front of our new house. it's a castle. we run in and bar the doors shut with the big wooden bar like in the movies. we hear them all. "WHERE'S TIMMY!?" over and over. "WE KNOW YOU KILLED HIM!" they're banging on the door. they're banging on the windows. "HE DISAPPEARED AS SOON AS YOU LEFT FOR YOUR TRIP! WHERE IS HE!?!?"

Matt turns to me and says "do you know a Timmy? i can't think of one i know." i start thinking really hard and suddenly a kid i knew that lived down the street from me, Tim Yeagley, popped in my head. "i knew a Timmy when i was growing up" i said.

"Think of him and search for him quickly", Matt says.

We run through the castle looking in each room. We finally come to our new bedroom. it's all laid out for our welcome. roses everywhere. candles. petals on the bed. then i suddenly know where Timmy is. i look under the bed and there he is, covered in clothes. He's dead.

i make myself wakeup, but i am sweating. I sit up and yell his name "TIMMY". it wakes matt up and he literally has to calm me down.

about a week later i'm working at Bombay when a childhood friend walks in, Chris. We're talking and catching up when i realize, this is Timmy's brother. i ask him how Tim is, in a slow quiet manner. Chris asks me what's wrong and i tell him i had a dream about his brother. he says "Was it a death dream"? i froze and nodded. He told me that Tim was overseas with the millitary and had an accident and had been seriously hurt the past week and they weren't sure if he'd make it. i seriously felt my stomach fall out of my body. i had the creeps for weeks.

i have no doubt that i dreamed about Tim the day he got hurt overseas.

I just friended Timmy on Facebook today. I'm so happy he made it!

Unhealthy subliminal obsession

2008-11-24T13:18:00.003-05:00

i think my dreams have an unhealthy obsession with my first boyfriend, Robert Hutton. i've written about him before.

the other night i dreamed i ran into his sister, April. we were fast friends again and i told her something i never thought about... that i still had a thing for her brother. She said he was at her house. When we arrived, i was nervous. i opened the door and there he was. he was still so good looking. he hugged me and i could feel fire between us. then of course it turned into a naughty dream and we did it. my dreams have a one track... mind.

*Matt's gotta pee so i wake up!* **i'm a really light sleeper**

when i fall back asleep i have the same dream. April. Fast friends. Rob at her house. except this time, he sees me and is repulsed. he tells me i'm ugly, just like i was when we were little and he was right to break up with me. he cusses me. degrades me. makes me cry.

This time i made myself wake up.

i don't understand my brain. why do i have this compulsion to dream of Rob when i haven't seen him in so long? we were kids when we "dated". we didn't even go to school together. after i dream of him, i almost always go into a frenzy of looking for him online. today i found his sister. i wanted to email her but i haven't yet. i can't find a trace of him online. i wonder if... he's dead.

Bad Momma Jamma.

2008-10-27T10:05:00.002-04:00

If anyone knows me, they know my mother is extremely religious and aims to be virtuous in all she does.

last night i had a dream that she was "bad" and it tore our family apart.

i dreamed i was spending the day with my momma. she seemed to have something on her mind but i couldn't coax it out of her. we walked on the streets i lived among as a kid. the roads i drove on when i was a teenager. we looked at the leaves and talked about life. suddenly she looked at me and said "i'm leaving your father". i was shocked, but there was more to come.... "i've been having an affair for 2 years and i need to be with the man i love". i felt the real heartache as i slept and dreamed my momma was telling me the sordid details and how giddy she was to finally get it out in the open. it was sickening.

cut to me and my brother walking and talking. we're at a spot we used to hang out at when we were young, near the old Yeagley place. i have the task of telling him about mom cheating and leaving. it's hard for me to tell him. i finally do, and he's so angry. he runs from me and i can't catch him. i have no idea what he's going to do to our momma, but i feel it's not good.

**ALARM**

i'm so glad my alarm went off when it did. i had a feeling my adulterous dream was turning into a murderous dream.

i can't wait to analyze this one! stay tuned, if you want. :)

Insecurity Dream #458

2008-06-30T10:05:00.005-04:00

So when i'm really stressed i seem to dream terrible dreams. Right now i'm stage managing the summer show at Showtimers and it's beyond stressful. so bring on the dreams!

Saturday night i had a reoccurring "theme" pop up. I dream that i'm sitting in Jeanie's chair getting my hair cut. i'm crying. i tell her i'm not sure where matt is. he left me. He won't return my calls and he's no where to be found. He hasn't told me why he's left but for some reason i know it's something i've done, i just can't figure out what.

*** now when i have a heartache dream like this, i have physical symptoms. i can feel the heartache. i can feel the pain in my heart. i can feel the tears rolling down my face, even thought they're not really there. it's a multi- sensual experience that i'd just rather not have.***

Cut to the next scene i can remember. i'm with my friend Brooks. He's always in these heartbreak dreams as the one who has some sort of news for me. we're at CI and i'm crying. i don't know what to do and all i want is to be with matt and for him to tell me it's all ok, but i haven't seen nor heard of him in weeks. Brooks tells me he's moving on without me. He's gotten himself an apartment. B writes down the address for me in hopes that i can see him and alleviate my heartache.

i spend a lengthy amount of time looking for him (which usually happens in these dreams). i'm searching for him. walking over the whole city with this pain in my heart. i can't find him. he's completely shoved me out without so much as a word and i still can't figure out what i've done. i'm searching my brain... what have i done? i finally see him in the distance with another girl. i physically feel like my heart is going to burst. i can feel the hot tears on my cheeks. i call out to him and he runs from me.

it's at about this time i make myself wake up because the pain is too much. i wish i could realize i'm in a dream earlier so i can just wake up and try to forget it, but this is usually when i stop and wake up.

i have a dream similar to this in my old dream book. i need to type that out and compare it.

usually when i have a dream like this, matt can tell right away. i seem upset when i wake up, i want lots of hugs and attention and i might even cry a little. he gets really angry. he'll make comments about me being crazy and insecure. most of the time he makes it worse. it took me about 5 hours Sunday morning to kick the rejected feeling from the dream and the attitude from real life matt. i hate when dreams rock my whole day.

i'm getting a lump in my throat just thinking about it now.

Sex Dreams A Plenty

2008-06-25T10:15:00.003-04:00

last night i dreamed those kinds of sex dreams that are bothersome. not the kind that you wake up and feel like you totally just did Christian Bale and are in a dream induced orgasmic state. no these dreams are too difficult to explain.

so naturally i'll attempt to explain:

usually they involve someone i know personally. maybe i think they're cute. maybe i've spent too much time with them. maybe i don't even know that i think they're cute until i dream that we're flirting and taking it to the next level. and that's where it starts bothering my subconscious. maybe because my conscious mind knows that my husband matt is laying right there beside me sleeping soundly while i'm doing someone i know and will see day after day. i don't want to dream those dreams... so i wake myself up. then drift right back into the intercourse and make myself wake up again. over and over until my sleep is seriously destroyed for the evening. so yeah... i'm extremely sleepy today and i have to see the guy i dreamed about this evening and feel completely uncomfortable without him even knowing.

Sex dreams dominate my sleep life. that's why i don't post a lot b/c i really don't want to blog about those all that much. maybe if i start blogging about it, they'll stop.

I get them bad in the summer. when i take naps in the afternoon without the AC on. i get hot under the covers and that puts me in the deepest sleep i know. that's when the sex dreams happen... but it's not with people. i almost always dream of sex toys. buying them, using them, different kinds i've never used before. it's so strange. this kind of deep sleep is hard to wake up for me. when i do wake up it's difficult to break out of the dream state and i have to force myself to snap out of it. i remember the first time i actually went to buy a sex toy. it was totally brought on by one of my nap time sex dreams. i had never even used one but kept dreaming about it over and over. i woke up in that half sleep state, got in my car and bye the time i was there, i was finally completely awake and realized what i was doing. it's strange how my dream drove me to do something in my waking life.

a few weeks ago i had a sex dream about one of my bosses. it seriously disturbed me b/c a). i work for a religious organization and the boss i dreamed about is a pastor b). i see him daily and he's so incredibly nice. i am still not over that dream. every time i see him i get flashes of it and how much i enjoyed it in the dream. it's awful. i didn't want to dream it and i woke myself up time and time again but the dream finished it's full course whether i wanted it to or not.

i wish i could dream about doing Ewan McGregor more. those are the ones i'll sleep the complete night through and enjoy the whole time!

YAY! A penis dream!

2008-05-08T09:25:00.003-04:00

I haven't told many people about this reoccurring dream. i dream i have a penis. now, usually i dream this when i'm too warm under the covers, or maybe i'm especially horny or something.

my dream was that i had to perform all of these tasks and try to win the competition. there was a race down a slide similar to maybe "jewel of the nile", all grassy and muddy and ends in a puddle of muddy water. another task was to clean a very messy room before everyone else did. strange shit.

i had no idea of what the prize was but when i won... WOOO HOOO! i got to have a penis! usually when i have a penis dream, i just all of a sudden have one and it's a field day. i'll try... handling it. or... going and picking up a hot chick or dude. but just as it was in this one, i never get to finish. i can feel what it's like touching it and ... eeek... stroking it. but i can never, well... finish.

i can't wait until the next penis dream.

new dream, kinda

2008-05-06T10:09:00.002-04:00

i'm haunted by a dream i had last night. it's going to be very hard to describe it. yesterday at the gym i saw something that reminded me of that movie "the moth man prophecies". b/c that movie was loosely based on a true story, i can't help but fear he'll come to me! it sounds stupid when i write it out. it was just a paint splotch on the back of a piece of paper, but it instantly brought that movie to my head. i kinda worried about it off and on the rest of the day which totally explains why i had this strange dream that i can't quite explain...

all i remember is that there was this entity. it was in a forbidden room, or space. somewhere i wasn't allowed to go to. of course i eventually got into the "space" and encountered the beast. it was... flaky. like flakes of candle wax infused to make a weird art piece. it was so strange. it also acted as a wax. it would try to engulf you and melt you into it. it moved around and changed shape constantly as it tried to devour your body. it was very strange and thinking about it now is raising my heart rate a little. every time i screamed for help it was like a vacuum. i couldn't even hear myself.

it was one of those dreams i couldn't shake. i can usually make myself wake up when i'm having a bad dream. i made myself wake up 3 times and when i drifted off, i was still wrestling the creature. i finally broke free, i think. i can't seem to remember.

it's still bothering me.

Mike D Loves Me, This I Know!

2008-04-07T09:21:00.002-04:00

i had a BBMB dream! some of it was reoccurring. I dreamed that there was an announcement of a secret show only for BBMB members. it was in this weird field with a stage set up. we were all there. cookiepuss, MC Moot, a-z, TAL, cmute rhyme and everyone else! it was like a huge party with the band that brought us together! i know that sounds lame, but it was fun! that was the reoccurring part. i have this dream often.

after the party/show i found out that the boys were staying with my parents for some reason. all but Yauch. so i go to stay with my parents for the night, obviously. I stayed up talking to Mike all night. He was so cool. we had great conversations. i mean in my dream they were whole conversations. it was totally neat. mike was so charming and i loved his laugh (like i don't love it anyway). MMM and $Mark hung out in the garage with my dad all night looking at his vintage cars. everyone was having a relaxing, wonderful time. even horovitz, who hit on my mother all night. i ain't mad atcha.

i'll analyze later when i'm not so busy.

Nap Dream

2008-03-12T09:36:00.004-04:00

i HAD to get a nap yesterday. I took some over the counter allergy meds that was NOT Zyrtec, and i was soo crazy sleepy. i swear i dreamed i ate taco bell chips and cheese for an hour straight. that was all. and it was like i was seeing the chips. like it was first person.

MAYBE VOLDEMORT IS IN MY MIND TRYING TO CONTROL IT AND MAKE ME GET FAT!

the book has nothing on nachos in there.

Freaky High School

2008-03-11T12:26:00.008-04:00

I've been away for awhile. I've been learning to DJ from a friend and it's gone really well. it seems that my love of music has reignited once again. the problem with that is the music was taking over my dream life. i dreamed maybe once a week for the past few months and then i would forget them quickly due to some random song playing in my head as i woke up.

Finally the dreams have returned. and just in time for a FREAKY experience!

I dream that i've been invited to a formal affair at my old high school. Glitz, glam, very Academy Awards-ish. all the alumni are invited. not being one to turn down a chance to dress up, i return the rsvp and go dress shopping.

cut to the event.

i arrive and find no one from the class of '94 there. the event is held in the old auditorium. i walk in and am announced by myself... "Heather Hamlin O'Bryan. Class of 1994". i enter and see someone waving at me. it's an actual classmate, Noel Dillard. i take a seat next to him. i hadn't thought about Noel in years. he was a troubled kid. he was picked on relentlessly and fought back with tooth and nail. it did not make it easy being friends with him. sometimes the fighting back would get so loud and rude, it'd turn on you and he'd start spewing at his own friends. i don't blame him. kids are cruel.

after awhile of boring awards (of which i have no idea what it was for), we skip out to check out the old school. we go to the old smoking block. we try to hack into our old lockers. we just have fun being dressed up and kids again. it was an incredibly fun dream. i dream of high school quite often and it's never actually a good dream, it's usually very scary. it was a nice change.

*awake*

all day this kid, Noel, was in my mind. i never thought i'd think about him again. last time i saw him was a few years after graduation. i had grown my hair out and discovered it was VERY curly. when we ran into each other, he told me i looked like Medusa. now i know he was just kidding but back then i was so insecure, i held that with me for a long time.

i decide to go look him up. where do i always start when i go to look someone up? MYSPACE.

log on.

new messages

Subj: Heather's Glenvar High!

from: NOEL.

I FREAKED RIGHT THE FUCK OUT!

Lets see what Sandra A Thompson has to say...

School (there was no “High School” in the dreamer’s dictionary) – It is likely some recent situation awakened old anxieties/insecurities about skills/abilities. (DJing the art show perhaps?)

Award (there was no “Award Show” in the dreamer dictionary) - Consider who’s receiving the award, for what, and how you feel about it to help you decide whether you’re honoring yourself; have a wish for recognition; Could the dream be saying you’ve been abandoned or are alone – orphaned in some way? (that last part is a crock.)

Friend – if known, but the dream situation doesn’t reflect an actual waking situation, the image/character may represent characteristics you need to incorporate/recognize in yourself.

I can see that maybe my dream was pointing out my nervousness about the Art Show but then telling me that it’s ok, I should honor myself. Maybe i also need to be tougher, like Noel, about some situations i've been slinking away from lately. i need to stand up for myself and not let others run over me.

you know i put no stock into this dream dictionary, right? but it's FUN to try to figure it out!

no teeth

2007-09-10T09:16:00.000-04:00

i've been on vacation and although i dreamed a lot, i can't remember any of them now.

during a nap yesterday, i had strange dreams about me losing my teeth. they would just come out while i was eating or whatever. that's all i can remember.

that dream prompted me to floss twice last night.

No Dream Today

2007-08-30T09:15:00.001-04:00

I finally found our MCA for a little tribute band i like to call the Beastie Broads. so i had "Ch Check it Out" in my head all night. i hate waking up in the middle of the night and i'm in the middle of a song just playing away in my head. I think it's part of my OCD thing. i dunno, maybe others are like that too.

03/11/08 - i'd like to say that i MISS our defunct tribute band, even if we never played out. it was fun getting together, drinking and pretending to be girlie adrock. haha.

The ex

2007-08-29T09:58:00.000-04:00

I dream of Robert Hutton at least once a month. He was my first REAL boyfriend. I dated him at church and the boy was gorgeous. i was really surprised i could get a guy like that, little did i know he had a REAL girlfriend of his own at school. thus begins the story of my dating life.

I dream that i'm with Jayna Byrd at her house (which looks like my grandmother's trailer). We're tying to get her dogs to be friends with my cats. it's not working. something strange happens and my cats start multiplying. i know how to fix the problem, but i have to gather up all the little vyvyans, ricks, sassies and hatties and put them together before i can do this little magic trick thing to make them all one again. i finally do it, keep them locked in one room away from the dogs, and Jayna and i go looking for some fun.

We decide it would be fun to look up Robert Hutton and see what he's been up to for the last... umm, 15 years. how Jayna knows him is beyond me, but it was TOTALLY her idea. We cruise his old neighborhood and luckily we find him very easy... he's still living with his parents. i get up the nerve to walk up and say hi to him in his front yard and he doesn't recognize me (which happens in every dream about him). I notice how good looking he still is, but he def looks a bit old in the eyes. we have a conversation about what we've been up to and jayna takes off to check on the animals.

Robert and i go into his house and it looks the same. i see his sister and we chat for a bit. Rob goes on and on about himself and i get bored after awhile and want to leave. He keeps trying to hit on me, but i know better. i tell him i have an awesome husband and matt's cuter than he ever was.

awake.

this dream (besides the weirdness of jayna being there and the whole cat multiplying thing) seems to make perfect sense to me... i found true happiness after years of being with the wrong men. i shouldn't look to other men to fulfill something i already have. :)

Lets see what Sandra A Thompson has to say:

cat(s)- Instinctual energy that's been tamed and is relatively close to consciousness; feminine power/energy; the feminine archetype; female genitals. (nice! this makes PERFECT sense to me on so many levels)

dog(s) - loyalty/fidelity, especially to your own values/intentions; therefore, your ability to go forward in the world with a strong internal base. (matt!)

magic - Having magical powers represents the capacity to get what you want, to make your dreams come true. it may represent your own special, unique abilities; a reaction to feelings of powerlessness in waking life; a need for control...over the elements, your inner nature.

Cloud Nine : A Dreamer's Dictionary

2007-08-29T09:13:00.000-04:00

I thought i'd bring my dream dictionary to work since i'll be blogging here most of the time. not that i believe it at all. every dream dictionary is completely different, but i thought it'd be fun to "analyze" my dreams according to the book.

Evil Amusement Park

2007-08-28T21:33:00.000-04:00

This is pretty close to the colors it looks like in the dream and even the angle in which i'm "zip lining" over it. But it's much less realistic.

Now That I Think About It...

2007-08-28T13:31:00.001-04:00

a lot of stuff that usually happens in both those dreams (Evil Hospital / Evil Amusement Park) were completely cut out. and as i was typing that last blog, it was very hard for me to separate the things that usually happen in those dreams from the actual dream i had last night. so strange.

The Hospital is Too Big for Me to Escape!

2007-08-28T13:28:00.000-04:00

Now that i'm typing out that title, i seem to recall that i do have this dream often, in different variations. the one i had last night is actually two dreams i have that formed into one. it starts out with a day of fun with an unidentifiable friend. she is very familiar to me but i can't place her. we are at a VERY familiar amusement park. it is one i dream of often that starts out fun and ends up evil. while we are having fun and trying to catch the rides before they close (which is always the case in this dream), my friend gets a call that a loved one has been in an accident.

Cut to the evil hospital (which is the other dream). We are trying to find where her relative is and we are sent through a maze of hallways until we arrive at a pool. we have to get into bathing suits to see her relative (WTF? did her relative turn into an octopus ore something). as we're standing in line waiting to see them, i realize that i left my dog, Darcie, in the car since we had first arrived at the amusement park and i started to worry about her. i decided to cut loose from my unidentifiable friend and go get Darcie and give her some water. As i am leaving my friend begs me to stay and cries uncontrollably, but i MUST get to Darcie. that is when i realize the whole dream was trying to prevent me from getting to my dog. I try to leave the hospital, but as the dream always goes, i am lost behind door after door... hallway after hallway. after panic attacks and freak outs, i finally find myself outside only to be facing the evil amusement park.

it looks different now. it's dark. it's glowing these purple, green and blue colors as if it's under black light. it looks like a painting from the distance. I can see all the rides and by then i realize that i'm in the same dream that i've had many times. I know what to do to get past the evil rides and get out of that park. i MUST water and walk Darcie. i almost float past the rides as if i'm on a zip line and i get to the entrance/exit. it's then that the trouble starts. it's very strange to explain. these things... they pop up in lots of my dreams. they're eyes. then they're eyes and a nose. but not just one... thousands. and they make a noise... kinda like when mario smushes a turtle. actually. come to think of it, these things look very nintendo like. they are growing on the sidewalk and they're trying to grow on me. it's almost like when tar bubbles up... they are just bubbling up out of the sidewalk and forming. the faster i walk the faster the eyes multiply and then start growing noses. then faces and so on... they are assembling an army to keep me from Darcie. I try to fight them but they're too fast. i am being drowned in them and suddenly i KNOW what they are. i realize they are the things that terrorize me in my sleep and i burst through them and exit the evil amusement park.

it's then that i wake up and see my darling Darcie sleeping. as i take in the dream i realize i wasn't "completing the steps" to save Darcie, but i was doing them to actually wake up. dreams like that scare me. What if one day i can't complete the steps and i can't wake up?

What Sandra A. Thompson says:

Amusement Park : An Amusement park, if dark, quiet and empty, it may be time to open yourself to more fun and adventure. see carnival. (but what if it's quiet, dark, emty, and EVIL?)

Carnival : It may symbolize the need for fun; the chance to compete or show prowess; the opportunity to view freaks or distorted aspects of yourself at the sideshow. It can symbolize surges of energy/excitement; the "ups and downs" of life; frivolity; letting down inhibitions; or the goddess Car, patroness of carnivals. (carnival sounds a lot like ROLLER DERBY to me)

Hospital: Anxieties about your health; an existing medical situation; an upcoming medical experience; and ailing friend or family member (jill?). Occurrences in the hospital may reflect your feelings about past/present medical care. if there's no medical condition in your waking life, they may refer to your own inner ability to take care of yourself physically/emotionally. the book goes on....